How to Homeschool, Part I

with the dog, of course

People are fascinated with homeschooling. Mention that you are doing it and their will be questions: What do you do? Is it legal? How do you know they're learning? Do you use a curriculum? How do you stand being around your kid all day? (The last one has never been asked but I sense it in some people's minds. And the answer is that I like MY kids. Yours, not so much).

Just kidding. I do like kids, though. That's why I became a parent and also why I like having my kids' friends over the house, even though it's messy and loud and they need to be fed and all that. But life's messy and kids are fun, so why not?

I also should put in the disclaimer here that my wonderful husband is the driving force behind our home school. We sit down prior to the school year and write down our plans, our goals, and the subjects we're going to cover. However,  the reason we get up, brush our teeth and do actual school work everyday is him.

The reasons we chose to homeschool are many. I could write a whole post on nothing but that and maybe one time I will. Suffice it to say, we weren't pleased with our public/charter school options and too poor to afford private school. The legality of homeschooling varies by state. NJ is very liberal in its requirements, other states like Pennsylvania are very strict.

Here's the legal highlights for NJ:

•  all children 6-16 must be in school or receive "equivalent instruction." 
• You do not need to tell the school you are homeschooling, however if you are taking your kid out of school, it is prudent to send the school a letter that you are taking them out. 
• If your kid has never been to school, you do not need to notify the local school board that you're homeschooling. 
• On rare occasions, a school board has taken a family to court for truancy. In this case, the parents must prove that they are providing "equivalent instruction." Keeping a folder of work/dittos or proof of programs that you use are enough. The burden of proof is on the school board to say if it is "equivalent." 
• "A notification letter need only say that your children are receiving their education via homeschooling. Other than names and your family’s address, no other information is required." (jerseyhomeschool.net)
• Homeschool children in NJ do not have to take standardized tests, provide lesson plans or portfolios or any thing else. If a school says they do, mail them a copy of FAQ page found on the NJHA link below. 

Legal links:

• HSLDA, The Homeschool Legal Defense Association, has requirements by state on their website. They are a Christian organization but they do provide legal assistance to any homeschooler in the U.S regardless of belief or lack thereof. They charge a fee of $120/year for website access and services. 
• The NJ Homeschool Association: an all-volunteer organization. Their site has legal info and other general info and resources for homeschoolers in NJ. Check on legal link in left column for exact requirements. 

Don't be intimidated. We've been HS'ing going on our 4th year now without issue and I haven't met anyone else in our HS circles who've had trouble, either. 

The Real Intimidating Stuff-Everything Else!!

Just kidding. But the thought of coming up with content for 1, 2, 3....or more children every day can be mindboggling. 20 years ago when I met my first homeschoolers I bet they found it hard to find enough resources and material. Today, it's the opposite problem. Every homeschool mom seems to have a blog with printouts, ideas, planners and more. I was more than a little overwhelmed when I started looking at it. Charlotte Mason or unschooling? Unit studies, lap books or computer programs? There are full curricula you can buy, online shops, interactive games....where to begin?

Here are some terms you might read on the internet or in other resources for homeschooling:

• Unschooling-Unschoolers believe children learn best through life experiences rather than specific, structured school time. For example, they might write a letter to Grandma or add up items during grocery shopping to learn writing and math. Or a trip to the zoo might lead a child to look up information and learn more about polar bears when they get home. It's child led learning. People I know who unschool tend to be very passionate about it. 
• John Holt and Growing Without Schooling-a good definition
• City Kids Homeschooling-I like this mom and her blog
• The Natural Child Project-another look at unschooling on a Natural Parenting website
• Classical-Remember the 3 R's? Reading, wRiting and 'Rithmatic. Classical homeschoolers believe that a good foundation of the basics is necessary for your child to explore and learn. This also includes lots of rote memorization for younger kids, like reciting poems and time tables. For older kids, they teach logic and debate. Although a generalization, think of the Christian homeschoolers who win the National Spelling Bee every year. This may be the type we follow the most, because our daughter has ADHD and this provides the structure she needs. 
• The Well-Trained Mind-Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Bauer's book was practically our bible for the first couple of years. There website is very good and they sell resource and text books that we've used also. 
• Classical Education made much Easier-good overview of Classical Education
• Life in Grace-the blogger has a lot of links and info about her experiences
• Charlotte Mason-An educator at the turn of the 20th Century, Mason felt that children needed to learn from "living ideas", not utilitarian instruction. Instead of textbooks, she believed it was better to read the original authors. She also believed that formal education should not start too early and that nature and natural settings were an important part of learning. Many homeschoolers, but also private and charter schools, use her methods. There was a resurgence in Mason's methods in the 1980's with the publication of For the Children's Sake by Susan Schaeffer Macauley. 
• 7 Characteristics of a Charlotte Mason Education-a good overview
• Wikipedia biography of Charlotte Mason
• Simply Charlotte Mason-a commercial site, resources and texts available. 
• Montessori-You may be familiar with Montessori early childhood education, but Montessori principles can be used for any age. Maria Montessori was an Italian physician and educator. She enrolled in medical school in 1890, which is pretty amazing in itself. Her concentration was pediatrics and psychology. She developed a style of child led learning with the children of working class Italians based on observing them. She saw that with the right materials and environment, children would become naturally self-motivated and engage in learning that interested them. 
• Wikipedia biography of Maria Montessori
• 8 Principles of Montessori Education
• FAQ on Montessori
• Montessori resources for older kids

That's enough for right now, I think, so that I don't overload any. I think my next post will what our typical day is like. 

sometime the cat participates. she's um, not so helpful. 

depression

Shep Smith is an idiot. 

He can't help it. Most network and cable news shows hire talking-heads who are idiots. Wolf Blitzer is an idiot too, in case you're conservative and think this is liberal bias.

I mean, I watched the clip. I think he meant well.

That makes him a well-meaning idiot.

Depression is not selfish, depression is not feeling sorry for yourself. Trust me, I know a lot about feeling sorry for yourself, too.

Depression turns every good thing around on you. Have a family-they'd be better off without you. Have a good job-you don't do it good enough. Have money-who cares. There's nothing that can fix depression: no amount of exercise, good wishes, meditation, food, chocolate, booze, cocaine, hugs, runner's highs, orgasms, awards, money, shopping sprees, cigarettes, i-love-you's, 90 day pins, joints, meth, junk, uppers, downers, binges, ice cream, happy times with family, big fat paychecks, Christmas, Fourth of July and your birthday all rolled into one can make you feel like you're not a total unwanted big fat loser who doesn't even deserve to exist.

When you have cancer, everyone supports you in your brave struggle. When you have depression, they tell you to snap out of it, things aren't that bad, why are you crying?

 But depression is a cancer. It's soul-cancer. And I don't mean that metaphorically. Depression gets inside every nook and cranny of your spirit and convinces you of things that are so ugly and so wrong and you can't do anything but curl up and wish it would JUST. GO. AWAY.

Here are things that I absolutely believe are true:

• I was born unwanted
• I am tainted
• I affect others with my badness
• I will never be free of this

These are things that I believe despite a decade (give or take a year) of therapy: psycho, cognitive, behavioral and group. Despite the twelve steps. Despite spiritual awakenings and hypnosis. Despite Elavil, Paxil, Zoloft and Cymbalta. Despite having two beautiful children and knowing also that something that amazing doesn't come from junk. Despite having a loving husband who's been there for me through some of the worst depression I've ever had in the past 15 years. 

My most fervent prayer, when I have a completely happy moment, is: Please, God, let me remember this feeling when I'm depressed. When you're depressed, what everyone else thinks of as "normal life" is just coming up for air before you sink beneath the waves again. 

I have lived with depression longer than anything else I've ever done, short of breathing. I've had clinical depression since I was 12 up until this very moment. There is every good chance that I will die at my own hand. Suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the U.S. and the third leading cause of "disease burden" in the world.  In the world. 

I can't tell you how to overcome it. I just go through the day, one day at a time, one step at a time, trying to figure it out. I actively search out hope and hopeful things. I try not to read the news too much or spend too much time on social media. I take my Cymbalta every damn day. (Thank you God for Cymbalta, I mean it.) I try to open myself up to goodness and kindness wherever I can find it. I try to be grateful. But it's never far from my mind that at 64 or 46 or 81 or any other age I may just finally do it. I live with that, my family lives with that. Maybe someday it will be different, but I live with a chronic illness called depression every day. 

Sometimes, you get what you need

I hate getting up in the morning. I know, it's better than the alternative. I feel embarrassed to say it, but I'd gladly spend the day in bed, playing minecraft, surfing the net and drinking cup after cup of tea. I wish I was one of those people, like my husband, who spring out of bed ready to get the day started. I'm pretty much ready to get started at, say, 1 pm-ish. Also, getting out of bed doesn't really bring any reward. Once the house realized I'm up there's a dog to walk, cat to feed and a child to interact with. In my bed, I can hide under the covers with my phone for a few more minutes and read the news before they all realize I'm actually awake.

When I was a little girl I would listen to the women in my life talking: mother, aunts, grandmother and later my older sister, talk about men. "You have to train a man," they'd say, as if the opposite sex was a wild animal who would spend his time scratching and belching without the acculturating whiles of a good woman. My mother would tell me how my father never liked to do much, but by dragging him out to events and parties he started to come out of his shell. My poor, shy, introverted father, being dragged into those noisy, Italian-clan gatherings. I feel his pain.

I also made a vow that I would never, evah, marry a man who needed training. You needed to be your own, fully-actualized adult to get with this gal. You know those women who complain that their man has no interest in wedding planning, what invitations to buy, seating arrangements? The ones who say their guy has no clue when it comes to the children, can't be trusted to clothe or feed them? The guy who has no opinion in what color the living room drapes should be? Maybe you are a woman like that? Count your blessings. My man has opinions on all those things and more. All I can say is, you've never gone 15 rounds over whether or not it's ok for the kids to eat processed food, or watch an occasional commercial, that's it's poison, what made you even consider it?

But I stand by my original vow, no matter how challenging it is to interact with a fully engaged human being. Because that is the problem, after all. How to relate to another.  It was easier, in some ways, to be a single mom and not have to consult the other on everything. And, no matter how much I complain, I like having another person to hold me accountable and who refuses to co-sign my BS.

When you ask for something, you have to be prepared for the results.

In other words, if you pray for potatoes, you better buy a hoe.

So, this morning. I was contemplating arising from the bed-we had woken up an hour early and I'm embarrassed to say, my first thought was, "We can stay in bed an hour longer!" While I sipped my tea, I read through my news and blog feed. An old friend of mine just found out that her eagerly anticipated baby has severe congenital deformities. It was like a slug to the chest. I didn't know what to do, so I prayed. I prayed for strength for my friend and her family. I prayed for understanding. I prayed for health for the baby. Then I just prayed silence. And in that silence, I thought about all the support and love her family share with people from all over the world that they know. And her deep love of God. Suddenly, my hope that things would be okay was replaced with a certainty. A sure feeling that I can't quite explain. I'm loath to put a word to it , because I hate statements in the face of trial and tragedy. I hate that "everything happens for a reason" reassurance. But for a minute or two I, who isn't usually certain of anything, felt certain.

I gingerly tried to shift this certainty to myself. What if, just for a moment, I felt certain about the things I prayed for myself? What if I had that sureness that I would be okay? That things in my life would turn out the way they were supposed to? For a few short minutes, I felt it. That feeling that everything is going to be okay. I suppose that's Grace.

The Wolf is Back

How to Cook a Wolf. It's a book by MFK FIsher. I highly recommend it, Mary Frances Kennedy is in a class by herself. It's about how to cook on short shrift, originally written during WWII when gourmands and everyone else had to make do or do without. A book about cooking? But not a cook book? But it does contain the occasional recipe. Why would I read that, you say? Like Jazz, either you get it or it can't be explained. Just read it and thank me later.

Our wolf is back, although I *guess* it's not as bad as a world war. But we are making do and doing without. Without a car, again, in fact. Now we are saving up for another used dealer deal and doing without until that time. At least it's Spring, sigh. Except that now the electric is due. Once it heats up they can turn off the juice, so next paycheck goes to PSE&G.

Just when I think I can't take any more. But I seem to be maintaining. Thank you, Cymbalta. Also, I've faced down this wolf before, with much less ammo and bacon fat than before. 

Anyhoo, those Christian types are always telling me that you should turn to God in times of strife, sooo, while looking for my bluetooth speaker charger, I found my Holy Bible in the bedside draw and decided, What the shit? Let's have a look.

       " Bel bows down, Nebo stoops low; their idols are borne by beasts of burden. The images that are carried about are burdensome, a burden for the weary. They stoop and bow down together; unable to rescue the burden, they themselves go off into captivity.

Listen to me, O house of Jacob, all you who remain of the house of Israel, you  whom I have upheld since you were conceived and have carried since your birth. Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.

...some pour out gold from their bags and weigh out silver on the scales; they hire a goldsmith to make it into a god and they bow down and worship it...though one cries out to it, it does not answer; it cannot save him from his troubles. "       Isaiah 46:1-7

So that. Money won't save me. It'd be nice, but I can't worship it. Not that I have much of it to worship anyways. But I will say that old Isaiah did help, actually. Imagine being an Old Testament Jew, chillin around Jerusalem, eating the falafel and the next thing you know you're being carried off to Babylon, weeping and gnashing. Possibly your family is lost or killed, you've lost all your possessions and everything you've ever known is gone. I will sing a new song, indeed.

We did not sing any songs, but we did cook up some steak that had been sitting in the fridge and needed to be cooked, bought before we realized we're broke, along with some mashed potatoes, asparagus and braised red cabbage. And a bottle of red wine. Cause seriously, today's a day for wine. You might as well celebrate and smile at that ol'  wolf, cause I may not have much but at least I have a full belly and a family that loves me, together at the dinner table. Take that wolf.

Lent, Spring and other things

We had our annual, multi-church Ash Wednesday service last night. Suydam Reformed hosted, so it was also multi-lingual. The pastor's sermon is told in English and Spanish, with the sermon being translated and read by another at intervals. I'm pretty happy with how many words I was able to recognize, although it helped that I had just heard the same thing in English, so I already had the gist of it.

The sermon's message was to take your troubles and lay them at the cross, in particular, problems that you have with other people. He also said that when you have a problem with another, instead of meeting them at their level, you should bring them to where you are, presumably at the side of Jesus.

I think of the people I have problems with. I don't know how close I can bring them to the cross, but I certainly thought long and hard about how I go down to other people's level. And in large part it's because I want them to like, or approve, of me. If I stay on my side of the line in the sand, I'm scared you'll get mad. And then I'll have to react to that. Instead of keeping my boundaries, I expect other people to keep them and then get mad when they don't . Not coincidentally, our pastoral theme for Lent is Fear. "Don't be afraid, my love is stronger, my love is stronger than your fear." I sing this to Sally when she's scared in the dark. Maybe I should sing it to myself as I respect my own boundaries and keep them.

Spring is close by. Robins are out, despite the snow. No crocuses yet. But soon.

Morning Togetherness

I love us all snuggling together in bed. 

Community

I like living in a community. I like knowing people and saying Hi to them on the street. I like caring for my neighbors at the local hospital. It's like an extended family.