Friday, July 2, 2010

Community?

Hubster and I don't really have any family that we are close to, all lovey-dovey and such, outside of our nuclear, 2 girls, 3 cats and each other. When I want to really make myself tight in the solar plexus, I think of what would happen if the littlest was orphaned. We have made no plans for guardianship in our will. Come to think of it, we have no will, mostly because we have nothing to pass on except debt. But the guardianship thing is important. A few years ago, when Hub was still on speaking terms with his bro', before they stopped speaking to us for reasons we can not fathom (Seriously, we did some soul-searching on this...we're not dense, they said they liked us. But return our calls-no), we thought about asking them to be her guardians, if we both should kick it. They're the best parents we know and trust. Now, inexplicably, they don't want to be a part of our lives, and that is a mystery and a shame, but still doesn't solve our dilemma.

The rest of our friends/family are too old,too young, too strict, not strict enough, republican or just plain dysfunctional. We have accepted our limited extended circle for ourselves. The fact that that might affect the offspring is unsettling, for me anyway. But it got me thinkin'. What are we without community? Are we any different now than we were 20,000 years ago when we needed to stick together for warm and to fight off cave bears? Is survival any less crucial now. You live alone, fall and hit your cabeza, bleed to death and are found 14 days later, partially eaten by your cats: it's a risk of living alone. It's why we came out of the trees together and groomed each other and stuff. To better our chances, to accomplish more together than we can alone.

And so we try to expand our little community, in between child-rearing and work and a million other things. We know have a circle of friends that we socialize with, mostly, no all from having a pre-school age child. And so you travel in the same circles, especially in a small town. Hubb and I try not to pick them apart too much later, this one is a hover parent-they're passing their nervousness on to their child. That one is too flaky, and where does her son's bullying come from? One couple is almost completely great, but we do wish they'd keep the sex toys locked up. I try not to be prudish, but I'd like to put off explaining what a dildo is until she's at least 7 or 8.

It's worrysome. If I really ponder on it, it's downright terrifying. Who would watch my kids if we both died in a fiery wreck? We can't even agree on a babysitter for 2 hours let alone someone who'd be in loco parentis for the rest of their lives. I'm starting to wonder if we should be like the president and the vice president-never traveling together, taking separate planes, that sort of thing. I know the chances of us both dying together before the little one leaves the house is small. I also know that crap happens when you least expect it. Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. In the mean time, we'll keep looking.