Friday, August 6, 2010

The Swingers


We have friends who have an open marriage. And we don't really care. I mean, go bang a thousand people in one weekend. Whatever trips your trigger. Whatever floats your boat. Whatever polishes your knocker. Whate...you get the idea.

We like them. Really. They share a lot of the same attachment parenting values that we have. Which is nice. And you can have an intelligent conversation with them about stuff: politics, music, food and wine, I don't know what all, but you can really talk to them and it's not all "So, how 'bout those Jets?" or "Nice weather we're having."

The problem, for us, is that they, especially the husband, manages to bring up sex into every conversation we ever have. And as we see them more and more, the conversation grows more, um, detailed. As in, how many hours a week he masturbates, or the shape of his wife's pudenda. And I think because husband and I are pretty tolerant and try to pass for hip, we let it slide. But I really DON'T want to know how or when he masturbates, or what lube he uses, or what porn he watches when he does it. And yes they want to sleep with us. And we told them, thanks but no thanks.

After a while it's not even uncomfortable, just tiresome. I like to flirt, but I feel like I have to be on every time we're together, to watch what I say, to monitor my responses. Was that a normal response, or will he think I'm coming on to him? It makes me twitchy. Seriously, this guy has (or says he has) so much sex that I'm tired just thinking about it. When does he work? Or have time for anything? And that's my point. I'm tired. At this point I don't care if he was talking about the Jets, Jesus or Jackrabbits, it's become tiresome. I guess we'll have to talk about it. Or perhaps I can come up with some equally annoying topic every time he brings up sex-I'm thinking Jesus again.